The proposal

Written by Brian

How do you propose to someone who has been thinking about and planning her proposal, engagement and wedding for all but first 4 years of her life? This was the dilemma I was facing when I decided I wanted to propose to Barbee. Our two-year dating anniversary was quickly approaching and I knew I wanted to propose on or before July 14, 2002. I say “before” because the romantic in me wanted it to be somewhat of a surprise. Over the past year Barbee had consistently asked, “Are we ever going to commit?” So, with a major anniversary milestone approaching, I thought for sure she would be expecting a proposal.

The Quest for the Perfect Ring

The story begins about two months before the actual proposal--early May. While we had discussed the possibility of marriage, we had never discussed engagement rings, much less looked at them. So, early May, off to the jeweler I go, on a quest to find the perfect ring. After several trips, lots of research, and input from some great friends (thanks Ken and Pat!), I decided on a ring.  It just so happens that very same day, Barbee and I were in a local mall and stopped in a jewelry store. She thought that just being in a jewelry store was giving me cold sweats (little did she know that I had purchased an engagement ring earlier that day!), so we quickly exited. But not before she mentioned a certain style ring that she really liked, a three stone anniversary ring.

Unfortunately for me, the style ring she likes looks nothing like the style ring that I just purchased for her. What to do? The more I think and pray about it, the three stone anniversary ring “looks” like her to me.

Asking Permission

In the meantime, Barbee heads off to Arkansas with Carmen Swinson for their friend Rob Dalton’s wedding. This is my chance to talk to her mother. With Barbee in Arkansas, I ask Mrs. Crowley if I can take her dinner. Over dinner, I tell her how much her daughter means to me and that while Barbee believes that I have not given thought to our future together, in fact I have, and could I have her permission to ask for Barbee’s hand in marriage? She said yes. Whew! One down, one to go. On the way out of the restaurant, we bumped in to Mrs. Crowley’s pastor and his family. They are very excited for Barbee, but the proposal is not for another month. I hope they can keep a secret!

Ring Revisions

Back to the ring – I decided I wanted to exchange the ring for a three stone anniversary ring, so I headed back to the jeweler. They were wonderful. They have beautiful setting, so I had them take the center stone from the first ring and put it in new setting. A couple days later they called and let me know that it was ready. Wow! They did a great job. This ring will look great on her.

Proposal Plans

Now that I have the ring, how should I propose? In order to maintain the surprise, I decide the proposal should be the week before our anniversary, sometime around July 4th. If I take her to an extremely nice restaurant the week before our anniversary, she might suspect something, so I need something else that will still be special. I decide to take her to her favorite little Chinese restaurant, Fong’s. After that we can go back to her place where I will have a homemade cheesecake, her favorite dessert, and maybe some other surprises. But how to actually propose? Still trying to keep the element of surprise, I decide to make her a personal wedding notebook. Barbee has a certain type of notebook that she uses at work to keep herself organized. With wedding planning ahead (hopefully), I thought she could use a personalized wedding notebook. So, I created a custom cover that says “Barbee & Brian Wedding Notes”, with an outlined image of a bride a groom. To see the final version, click here. Now I needed to give her the notebook.

For those of you who do not know Barbee, she has a very sweet cat name Kallie. I found a beautiful little keepsake box that had some cats similar in appearance to her. So now I could put the notebook in the box. When I shared the notebook plan to Mrs. Crowley, she had an idea. She had kept some hair ribbons of Barbee’s from when she was a little girl. What a prop! I can tie the ribbons in a bow, with the ring in the middle, then put the ribbons into book as a bookmark, and then finally the notebook in the box. The plan is coming together.

Final Preparations

That week of the 4th, my parents called and asked if they could stay with me for the weekend while they visit family. On July 4th, my buddy Mike Rager invited us out on his boat to watch some local fireworks. While on the lake, Barbee mentioned that her Mom has never met my parents. Another idea! I quickly call Mrs. Crowley to see if she thinks Barbee would mind having family present at the proposal. She doesn’t think so…so I need to get Barbee to invite her Mom to dinner with my parents. Barbee wanted NO part of that. She immediately said her Mom would not be interested. I asked her to at least mention it to her mother. Of course, since her Mom was in on the plan, she was more than willing to go along for dinner. So, over Barbee’s protest, my Mom, Dad, and I meet her and her Mother for dinner.

The Big Ask!

Dinner goes well, and Barbee does not seem to suspect a thing. She is just happy that “the meeting” is going well and that conversation is smooth. I mention after dinner that I had made some dessert, and we should go back to Barbee’s.  Remember, my Mom and Dad and her Mom know the plan. Only Barbee does not what is about to happen. When we get to her place, she is on her balcony watering her plants. Not knowing that everyone was waiting for her inside, she took her time. When she finally came in, I told her that I had found little present for her. I pulled out the box and she seemed pleased. She shook the box and realizing something was inside, slid the top off. Even though I knew what she would say, I was getting REALLY nervous. She pulls the book out and gives me a confused look. At that time, I take the book, pull out the ribbons (with the ring attached), get down on one knee and say, “Barbee, I love you very much. And while you have thought that I have not thought about our future together, in fact I have. I would like our future to be together as one. Will you marry me?” At this point I realized I had DEFINITELY surprised her. She said “yes” and then was completely speechless for the next four hours. With parents present, we have some pictures of the big event, you can see her shock and my nervousness (red face).

A side note on the notebook – Barbee really has been planning her wedding since she was 4. Every wedding she goes to, she looks for things she would like to incorporate in to her own big day. She has always been planning her “imaginary” wedding. On the first page of her notebook, I made her a “to-do” list with two items:

1. Stop planning imaginary wedding.
2. Start planning real wedding.

We've Set a Date!

So the date has been set, July 19, and you can find all the relevant details here. If you have any comments or advice for us as we set out on this new life together, let us know.